It is that time of year again, when online searches for divorce advice and family law Solicitors are at their peak. For many, the Christmas period and the beginning of a New Year act as the catalyst to bring about change and end a broken or abusive relationship.
Our understanding of domestic abuse has evolved considerably to capture a hidden form of abuse which does not involve physical abuse. The American Sociologist, Evan Stark coined the term coercive control. In his book: “How men entrap women”, (2007) Prof. Stark identified a hidden form of abuse where the victim feels controlled, dependent, isolated and afraid of their partner.
England and Wales became the first jurisdiction in the world to criminalise coercive control. Ireland followed suit in the Domestic Violence Act 2018 and created the new offence of coercive control. The offence contained in Section 39 of the Act, criminalizes controlling or coercive behaviour in an intimate relationship which is knowingly and persistently engaged in and which has a serious effect, in that the behaviour causes fear of violence, serious alarm or distress such that it has a substantial adverse
impact on a relevant person’s day to-day activities. We can glean from a number of reported cases in 2024 that these cases are being prosecuted through the Court.
Coercive control in a relationship is defined, not by any of the matters that are being controlled i.e. money or household rules etc. but rather the need for total emotional control by one partner over the other. There remains a stigma around domestic abuse and a sense that this could not happen to me because I would be strong enough both physically and mentally to deal and cope with it. Male victims, in particular report that there is a reluctance among their male friends to believe that they suffered abuse
because “he is a man”. Such a narrative is unhelpful and minimizes the insidious behaviour of the perpetrators of domestic violence and shames the victim.
The recently published (January 2025) debut novel, “Nesting” by Roisin O’Donnell is set in Dublin in 2018 and tells the story of Ciara, a young mother, and her attempts to break away from a controlling partner, and to build a better life for herself and her children.
The story told in “Nesting” is chilling but also compelling and relatable. It is a story of a normal couple, Ciara and Ryan. Ryan is a handsome Civil servant. But one sunny afternoon Ciara flees with her two daughters Sophie and Ella when Ryan’s fluctuating temper becomes unbearable. There is no physical violence, but Ciara relates “he does not speak to me kindly”. She acknowledges that there are hidden things that she cannot talk about. His psychological torture and sexual abuse have left her feeling that “she does not know which way is forward or back”. For Ciara, secretly eight weeks pregnant
with her third child, she realises that she must “seize this moment of clarity, before the fog descends again. That is before Ryan walks back out here smiling, and she convinces herself again that it is all in her mind”. She has been secretly stashing away pilfered ten euro notes inside a nappy. She did run away before, to her mother in Shefield, but returned some three weeks later when she was lured back by a combination of charm and the threat of legal action by Ryan. Since her return home, she has drifted away from her friends, social media and almost all connections with the outside world. Ryan, in the meantime, has had the children’s passports blocked so that when Ciara leaves him again and checks in at the airport to make a second trip to her mother, she realises that she is cut off from the only sanctuary available to her. She initially sleeps in her car until she and her daughters are housed in a homeless shelter where she has to observe strict curfews as she frantically attempts to find work and deals with
the housing office weekly.
Not only does O’Donnell in “Nesting” trace the patterns of psychological abuse, she also explores the many obstacles that women who attempt to leave an abusive relationship face. However, this novel also has the hope factor, as we are introduced to a Brazilian hotel cleaner, Diego and Ciara’s neighbour Cathy a single mum both of whom befriend Ciara and support her in her journey of re-shaping and building a new life for herself and her daughters.
The real life story of Patrisha McLean who, following a very published marital breakup, went on to set up a non-profit organisation with the aim to break the silence and opening up the conversation
surrounding domestic abuse, is a story of survival and hope. Patrisha is the ex-wife of Don McClean the singer best known for his 1971 “American Pie”. Following his conviction for domestic abuse in 2016 when asked what advice she would give to others in a similar position, she did not hold back.
She described the physical abuse of punches, kicks and pulling of her hair. She stated that the most devasting aspect was the emotional abuse. She made the distinction between the physical and emotional abuse by qualifying that the while the physical abuse was more extreme that the emotional effects lasted longer. She described being terrified and walking on eggshells for the whole time of her 29-year marriage.
“If he abuses you, he is not a good father. Period. You can’t be a good father and be abusive. It is also not going to change. It does not get better. So don’t minimize their behaviour. Don’t excuse it and realize there is a better life out there. There is life beyond abuse. You can get out. There is help and hope”.
State assisted charities such as SafeIreland.ie, Womensaid.ie and Mensaid.ie provide valuable resource to both male and female victims to access information about domestic violence to include a helplines, a safe place to talk, counselling appointments, advocacy and court support for victims experiencing domestic violence. The Department of Justice website at info@alwayshere.ie provides details of local Garda Stations and details of refuge accommodation for women and children who have suffered domestic abuse. However, bizarrely there appears to be few refuge options available for men.
Victims of domestic violence sometimes go back to the abusive partner time and time again. Accommodation needs, the protection ofchildren of the relationship and economic factors all impact on when an abused party decides enough is enough. When that decision is made, a Solicitor should be consulted for advice on the legal remedies available. Such remedies, which are available to both spouses and parties in an intimate relationship in relation to the offence of coercive control are set out in the “the 2018 Act” which extends the eligibility criteria for Safety Orders, Barring Orders, Interim Barring Order, Emergency Barring Orders and Protection Orders by taking into account the victim’s psychological and emotional welfare when applications for such Orders are being made to Court. The duration of the Orders are specific ie. Protection Orders last until the Court proceedings for a Safety Order are heard. A Barring Order remains in force for up to 3 years and a Safety Order remains in force for up to 5 years.
In the period between the application for the Barring or Safety Order and the Court hearing, a Protection Order shall be granted by the Court, if, in the opinion of the Court, there are reasonable
grounds for believing that the safety and welfare of the Applicant requires this interim protection.
So, victims of abuse have legal remedies available to them and should, when they feel the time is right, consult with a solicitor to explore the most appropriate route for them.
Trish Hynes, Solicitor of FitzgeraldLaw LLP, has significant experience in advocating for clients in family law proceedings. If you or a family member requires assistance in this area, please contact Trish here.